EXTREMELY IMPORTANT, SUPER LEGIT JOURNALISM

These NYC Beaches are Literally Full of Human Shit

Angela Wang

Published August 2, 2018

Every year, beginning in the spring and ending in the fall, New York City's Department of Health and Mental Hygiene makes monthly updates to their data set on beach water quality. In particular, they test their water samples for enterococci -- bacteria that indicate of the presence of human waste/fecal material. I'd like to know which nast ass NYC beaches to avoid this summer (and also the rest of my life).

For marine water recreation, the EPA recommends a statistical threshold value (STV) of 130 cfus (colony forming units) per 100 mL of water. The STV approximates the 90th percetile of the water quality distribution, meaning that no more than 1 out of 10 samples should exceed that value. New York State Sanitary Code and New York City Health Code have a slightly more rigorous standard: No single sample should exceed 104 cfus per 100 mL water. Using the latter measurement as a threshold for contamination, I'd like to look at the DOHMH data through July 2018.

According to NYC Parks, Coney Island and Rockaway Beach are the most visited beaches in New York City by a large margin. They also happen to be the two beaches I visit most frequently. It'd be nice to know whether I'm stewing in human excrement every time I go there.

Bacteria count seems to fluctuate a lot, due a confluence of factors: rainfall, currents, when and where samples are taken, etc. Cedar Grove was extremely contaminated April through June of 2018, but July samples turned up nearly immaculate. For a better idea of what beaches might be contaminated with regularity, looking at the average enterococci count at each beach over the years may be helpful.

A private beach in Queens is perennially brimming with human waste

If you look closely, you'll notice that one particular beach appears to be consistently contaminated over the years.

That beach happens to be a private beach in Queens, owned by the affluent Douglaston Manor Association community.

Schadenfreude aside... why is that beach so nast? It looks like a public health hazard. I've reached out to the DOHMH and the Douglaston Manor Association to get the lowdown on what might be causing so many elevated bacteria counts, and how the community feels about it. In the meantime, let's take a closer a look at how their beach water samples have fared over time...

R.I.P. anyone who's ever stepped foot into these perilous waters.